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Mom Guilt

Mom Guilt is ugly and nasty and I wish it would go away.  We all feel it in some form.  Whether you are a working mom or not you never feel like you are never doing enough for your children.  Last week, Madden's teacher asked me to bring in snacks on Friday for his birthday.  Let me preface this by saying I NEVER bring in treats for any of my kids birthdays because I know I run late and I don't plan my day accordingly.  Being confronted by his teacher, I couldn't say no because I would be "that mom" in the whole class who didn't bring in birthday treats so I said yes.  I get there 3 minutes late and the...

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Expectations

Yesterday was Mother's Day.  I get all amped up thinking it's going to be this magical day where I get to lay around and do absolutely nothing and be spoiled rotten.  For Mother's Day I asked him to make breakfast, get gifts from my kids, to bathe Madden and to watch the kids for me.  Breakfast was waiting for me when I got up and Madden was already bathed!  I felt so lucky.  My kids had made me homemade cards and gotten me every different type of chocolate I could have ever wanted.  I was in heaven!  I played games with my kids, and then my husband had to leave for a couple hours (which he warned me about previously so I knew it...

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I am Good Enough

When I was pregnant with Madden my brother and I had an interesting conversation.  We were talking about accidents and how some accidents can leave scarring and make you look different.  He told me that he didn't want to live through a burn accident because he knew he would look "different" than the way he did before.  I was very hurt by the way he reacted because I knew that inside me at that moment was a little boy who was going to look "different" and that people were going to judge him for it.  Our society is groomed to love the pretty people.  People who don't fit the mold can be teased, bullied, have very low self esteem/self worth, and feel somehow...

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Who are we to Judge?

After five long days in the hospital I got discharged from the hospital.  It was hard to leave Madden behind who was still very volatile.  Our home felt empty without him.  My husband and I went to visit him one evening shortly after being discharged from the hospital. We had another long talk with the doctor and we felt hopeless all over again.  He didn't feel like Madden was making the progress he needed to.  The doctor was preparing us for him to die.  I was heartbroken all over again.  After wiping away the tears and cleaning up my face the best I could, we quietly said our goodbyes to Madden and we headed home.  We had been gone so long we needed to stop and get...

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Announcing: Madden

Announcing: Madden Cutler Robinson 8lbs 1oz! That wasn't something I got to do the day he was born.  Instead, my entire family was anxiously waiting for the news of their newest nephew and grandson. My nurse went out and grabbed my mom.  Since Guy was up with Madden in the NICU she wanted someone to be with me in recovery.  I was so happy to see my mom.  The kindest, sweetest, most supportive person you will ever meet was now by my side.  Guy walked in soon after and reassured me that Madden was still alive.  They were able to stabilize him but that he was still in critical condition.  I would be able to visit him when I felt better but no other visitors...

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